From http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/just-dreaming/articlemh.aspx?cp-documentid=8415897 I don't know if I agree with all of this but lets see how I stack up.
1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your
face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart
enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
I don't think I could get close enough to any rim, but I have never had a black eye. Don't plan on getting one.
2. A witty e-mail signature.
Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke
performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence
become the digital version of a motivational poster. No email signature
3. An empty refrigerator.
Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always
aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for
her...along with breakfast in bed. I am really close to this. This is not good. I could never have a enough for a three course dinner.
4. PlayStation thumb.
When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you
devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're
assuredly missing out on life. I haven't played my computer games for a while, but give me NBA LIVE 09 on my computer and that would instantly change.
5. A key chain with a bottle opener.
This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof
that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu
bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork. I don't have this.
6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be. I like what it says about this. And, I don't have a lucky shirt. I do have shirts though that as my students put it "will make the ladies holler" (as if the ladies don't already holler at me)
7. An unstamped passport. I don't have any passport, but I don't think that is what they were going for here?
8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery. I have no Olympic dreams.
9. Less than $20 in his wallet.
Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a
business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the
Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic. I am constantly guilty of this, and I am a teacher who does not have a business card.
10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name. I do not have a name for my penis. (I am sure you were all dying to know that)
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold. I don't have any beer in my house currently. No big suprise.
12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own. I don't quote from these movies. Now if the office was on this list, I would be guilty.
13. A futon.
Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has
never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your
futon."
I don't have a futon. I used to but sold it for like $40. It was the most uncomfortable futon ever.
14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything. I don't speak in code.
15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office. Although this sounds like a lot of fun, I don't have this.
16. A secret handshake. I wish I had someone to have a secret handshake with, but I don't have anyone to do that with.
17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones. I do have some from my apartment complex, but I never drink from them.
18. A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop…"
I don't have any stories like this! |